im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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