physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
