I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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