did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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