just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
