do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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