My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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