Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
