Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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