I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
