I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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