dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
