The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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