so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
