walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
