Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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