I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
