Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
