Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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