Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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