Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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