Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
