idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
