Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
