When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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