You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
