yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
