I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
