I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
