seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
