help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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