I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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