Are we in a gay sports bar?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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