Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
