Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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