You're my little dorito
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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