Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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