had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
