guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Gay?
German.
Pity.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
