If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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