I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
