I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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