I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
