If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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