We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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