when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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