THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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