you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
