I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
