Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
