you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
